Atlanta Hawks/Pembroke College
Really happy to be here.
Boston Celtics/Balliol College
Both were better 500 years ago.
Brooklyn Nets/Wadham College
God damn hipsters!
Charlotte Hornets/Linacre College
Straight trash homie.
Chicago Bulls/New College
Got really cool all of a sudden in the 80’s and 90’s
Pretends they’re special because they had something nice once.
Dallas Mavericks/Magdalen College
You won one championship 10 years ago, calm down.
Denver Nuggets/ Lady Margaret Hall
Pretty trendy all of a sudden.
Detroit Pistons/Merton College
Zero fun, sir.
Golden State Warriors/St. John’s College
Rich as shit.
Houston Rockets/Oriel College
A lot of controversy going on at the moment.
total mismatch, a lot of great stuff mixed with utter trash.
Los Angeles Clippers/Keble College
Really beautiful, but does anyone actually like them? probably not so much.
Los Angeles Lakers/Christ Church College
Full of 18-year-olds who think they’re influencers.
Memphis Grizzlies/St. Peter’s
Miami Heat/Exeter College
Going to fuck you up.
Milwaukee Bucks/The Queen’s College
Front and center but don’t compare to their rivals.
Minnesota Timberwolves/ Harris Manchester College
I love them but nobody else even knows they exist.
New Orleans Pelicans/Worcester College
Bandwagon fans are fun…for awhile.
New York Knicks/All Souls
Rich and steeped in tradition, but ultimately little to no actual substance.
Oklahoma City Thunder/Brasenose College
Kind of responsible for Brexit and the relocation of the Sonics, RIP.
Orlando Magic/Somerville College
Margaret Thatcher seems like she would have some thoughts about Disney World.
Philadelphia 76ers/University College
Trust the process.
Phoenix Suns/St. Hugh’s College
At least they’re trying.
Portland Trail Blazers/Jesus College
Sacramento Kings/Corpus Christi College
Close in proximity to greatness, but sucks itself.
San Antonio Spurs/Hertford College
They’re just there year after year after year.
Toronto Raptors/Wolfson College
New, way the fuck up north, and pretty ugly.
Utah Jazz/St. Cross
Washington Wizards/Trinity College
Fucking hate how much better the Celtics/Balliol have always been.